A Naughty Lie
by klatukatt
Summary: Jeff gets into a stupid lie and drags Patrick with him. It gets a little naughty.


_Standard disclaimers. None of the characters are mine. Have fun!_

It was all Jeff's fault, as usual. There the boys were in the bar with their drinks as usual when this girl walked in. Patrick noticed right away, that's why he sits facing the door. He pointed her out to Jeff and Steve and they all had a good look.

Then Jeff said, "Oh hell."

"What?" asked Steve. "What is it now?"

Jeff had that look where he's been really, really stupid.

"I know that girl," stuttered Jeff. "I see her at the shop down the road from my flat."

"So?" Steve set down his beer. "All right, what did you do this time? What idiotic thing did you say to scare this one off? Did you compare her arse to a fish? Did you tell her about how you make forts out of toilet tubes? Or did you just spend the whole conversation saying 'breasts'?"

"No, it wasn't like that this time. Our conversations are great, we have a lot in common."

"Hang on," Steve was incredulous. "You've talked to this girl more than once?"

"Yeah."

"And she likes you?"

"Yeah."

"So what's the problem?" Patrick piped in. "Just go to bed with her and get over it."

"Well, I can't see. I told her—I told her I have-"

"Oh here it comes," said Patrick, rubbing his hands.

"Patrick! Come on Jeff."

"I have a boyfriend."

Steve and Patrick immediately started laughing.

"And she believed that, I'm sure," said Steve.

"Well yeah," said Jeff, looking offended. "I mean, it's not like I'm ugly. And I just wanted to make her feel less… intimidated."

"You're not intimidating anymore," said Patrick, "you're off the market."

The boys had another laugh at that.

"Well, since you have such a good report with her," Patrick started. "Why don't you set me up?"

"What?"

"Introduce me! Come on, be a friend to your fellow man."

That started the snickers in Steve again.

"No," said Jeff. "I've been working on her for a long time and I'm not just gonna hand her over."

"Jeff, she thinks you're gay!"

"… I know. I'm still working on it. Besides, I don't want to talk to her."

"Well too late, she's coming over."

The girl came over straight away and Jeff jumped up as soon as she touched his shoulder.

"Jeff?"

"Crissy! Hi!"

"I was wondering when I'd see you here."

"Well, here I am."

"Aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Yes! Yes. Crissy, this is Steve."

Steve raised his beer glass in greeting. "Hello."

"And this is Patrick."

Patrick rose and crossed to 'properly' greet the young woman, but before he could get there Jeff blurted, "—my boyfriend."

The boys were in shock.

"Really?" asked Crissy as she took Patrick's hand.

"Yeah," said Jeff. "I told you you'd meet him if you came round the bar."

Jeff slipped his arm around Patrick's waist.

"Well it is lovely to meet you," said Crissy.

Patrick gritted his teeth. "You as well."

Jeff squeezed Patrick a little closer.

"Aw," said Crissy. "You two look so sweet together!"

Steve muttered, "Sweet enough to make you sick actually."

The evening progressed uncomfortably as Crissy was not eager to leave. She was having loads of fun talking to her new gay best friends.

"Oh, but you must be so different from straight couples."

Patrick grunted "You'd be surprised."

"Oh we do have our little spats," said Jeff. Jeff was sitting on the arm of Patrick's chair and was being rather handsy. Touching the hair, arm around the shoulders; it was as if Jeff thought gay people were actually magnetic.

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I'd best be off." Patrick stood up. "Work in the morning, you know."

"I'd love to see you both again," said Crissy. "How about drinks at my flat on Saturday? I'm just having a few people over. And Steve can bring Susan."

"I don't think that will—"

"Oh we can make it Saturday, sweetie." Jeff cut Patrick off. Patrick glared and got his coat.

"Patrick," called Crissy. "Are you going to leave Jeff all alone and sad?"

Jeff, at the provocation made a pouty face at Patrick. Patrick walked stiffly over and kissed Jeff on the head. "See you tomorrow, darling."

"Oh, give us a real kiss," said Jeff. He grabbed Patrick's face and smashed their lips together. After a few seconds he let Patrick go, spun him around and slapped his ass. "Of you go, sweet cheeks."

Patrick left in a hurry and Jeff sat back down and then saw Steve's shocked face. Jeff suddenly realized what had just happened. His face fell and he started to shake.

"Are you all right, Jeff?" Crissy asked.

"Just- just something I forgot to tell Patrick."

"Something you forgot to tell me too," Steve squeaked.

"I should go as well," said Crissy as she stood. "See you Saturday, yes?"

"Yeah," said Jeff, still shaken.

"Bye Jeff. Bye Steve."

Crissy left and Steve leaned forward as Jeff continued to stare into space.

"Jeff?"

"I dunno what happened! I was just so in character and I wanted to impress Crissy."

"I think you more impressed Patrick."

"Oh, what am I gonna say to him? And we have to go over to Crissy's on Saturday."

"Patrick will never go for it."

"Well, can you be my boyfriend?"

"No! She's met Patrick and she knows I'm bringing Susan."

"I can't go over there. I've completely ruined everything."

"Or maybe you have just started a new chapter in your life. A gay chapter."


End file.
